The New Yorker, which fashions itself as a serious magazine for intellectuals, recently published some photos of “notable New Yorkers” posing in their (mostly cramped and depressing) living rooms. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez made the cut, as did Al Sharpton, the notorious anti-Semite who runs a sponsored content racket out of his MSNBC studio. The high-brow spread also included a glorious photo of billionaire nepo baby Alex Soros and his future “wife,” Huma Abedin, pretending to be relatable while lounging in his multimillion-dollar Manhattan penthouse.
Soros, 39, resembles a bedridden invalid, paralyzed from the waste down since totaling his Bugatti in the Seychelles (and paying off the families of the deceased), who has been plopped down in a $46,000 chair to pose with a compassionate health care worker. Abedin, 48, is best know for being Hillary Clinton’s longtime personal servant, Anthony Weiner’s long-suffering ex-wife, and Bradley Cooper’s onetime “girlfriend.” They are deeply in love, by all accounts.
Of course, no photo collage of “notable New Yorkers” would be complete without a charming portrait of Ella Emhoff, the 25-year-old stepdaughter of former VP Kamala Harris who scored a major “modeling” contract days after President Joe Biden was sworn in. The New Yorker describes Emhoff as a “textile artist,” which as far as we can tell is not a joke. Here are some examples of her “art.”
Emhoff is also an influencer who earns money by promoting brands such as Fur Oil, a body hair moisturizer that she credits for making her feel “really accepted” for refusing to shave her armpits. Another thing Emhoff refuses to do, according to an exclusive Washington Free Beacon analysis of her living room photo in the New Yorker, is skip leg day.
Those are some sturdy trunks, our analysis found. Never mind the hideous decor. Emhoff’s living room is unremarkable compared to those of all the other single white women with rich parents living in Manhattan despite not having a real job. Those are the legs of someone who spends all day terrorizing hardworking American motorists by riding her bicycle in traffic.
We wanted to see how these rugged hiker’s calves compared to the legs of notable personalities such as LeBron James, so we persevered in our analysis using the most advanced technology in our possession.
The results were fascinating.
What about Barack Obama, the disgraced former president who falsely claimed to be good at sports? Practically anyone could put his scrawny pipes to shame. Emhoff certainly does.
The same goes for Al Sharpton, who has the legs of a malnourished 12-year-old boy.
AOC just doesn’t have it either. The liberal celeb suffers from a disturbing lack of definition.
Steve King, the slightly deranged former Republican congressman from Iowa, once described the U.S. immigration crisis as follows: “For everyone who’s a valedictorian, there’s another 100 out there that weigh 130 pounds and they’ve got calves the size of cantaloupes because they’re hauling 75 pounds of marijuana across the desert.”
This is a developing story…
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