Eric Swalwell has a talent. It’s not legislation. It’s not oversight. It’s not even asking good questions at hearings, which is theoretically his job. Swalwell’s talent is standing in front of a camera and delivering fiction with the earnest conviction of a man who believes his own nonsense.
On Tuesday, he brought that talent to the House Homeland Security Committee, where ICE Director Todd Lyons was testifying. Swalwell had a story. A really good one. The kind of story that sounds like it was workshopped by a Democratic communications staffer the night before and handed to a congressman who was told to read it slowly and make sad eyes.
A bodega worker. Terrified. Afraid to walk to the parking lot after her midnight shift because a van full of ICE agents might screech in and grab her. She was so scared she wouldn’t give Swalwell her name. She wanted to know how to tell the difference between criminals and ICE agents, because — according to Swalwell — these agents wear all black, cover their faces, and carry no identification.
It was beautiful. It was emotional. And Adam Carolla isn’t buying a single word of it.
“What a Pussy”
Carolla — comedian, podcast host, and a man who has never met a sacred cow he wouldn’t barbecue — watched the clip and delivered a verdict that went viral faster than the hearing itself.
“Swalwell is such a f***ing douche,” Carolla said on his show. “When guys do it, I go, ‘What a pussy. What a pussy!'”
Carolla’s take was simple: the bodega story is fake, Swalwell made it up, and the performance was the kind of theatrical victimhood that makes grown men embarrassing to watch.
Agree with Carolla’s language or not, his instinct is right. The story doesn’t hold up.
The Director’s Response
Lyons didn’t flinch. When Swalwell described agents in all black with no identification snatching people from parking lots, Lyons calmly dismantled it. ICE agents wear identifiable placards on their uniforms. They carry badges. They don’t roll through parking lots grabbing random people.
“ICE does intelligence-driven, targeted enforcement operations,” Lyons said.
That’s the part Swalwell didn’t want on camera. The reality of how ICE actually operates doesn’t support the dystopian fantasy Democrats have been selling for months. There are no unmarked vans prowling bodega parking lots. There are no faceless agents in tactical black snatching innocent workers off the sidewalk. There are law enforcement officers executing targeted operations against specific individuals — the same way they’ve operated under every administration, including Biden’s.
🚨NEW: Adam Carolla *NUKES* Eric Swalwell🚨
"Swalwell is such a f*cking DOUCHE! … What a P*SSY! And for me, I would rather deal with a violent alcoholic dude than a p*ssy. P*ssies are THE WORST dudes. They're the f*cking worst! And Swalwell's a P*SSY!"@DailyCaller pic.twitter.com/nl7kfyvYrL
— Jason Cohen 🇺🇸 (@JasonJournoDC) February 12, 2026
But “targeted enforcement based on intelligence” doesn’t make for good theater. A terrified bodega worker too scared to share her name? That gets the clip on MSNBC.
The Five-Year-Old They Keep Lying About
Swalwell wasn’t done. He pulled out a photo of Liam Conejo Ramos — a young child who has become the left’s favorite anti-ICE prop — and demanded to know if Director Lyons would resign because his agency “arrested” a five-year-old.
Lyons didn’t blink. He explained what actually happened, and the real story is the opposite of what Democrats have been telling.
ICE conducted a targeted operation to arrest the child’s father — an illegal immigrant from Ecuador released into the country under the Biden administration. When agents approached, the father ran. He abandoned his child. An ICE officer stayed with the boy to keep him safe while other agents apprehended the father.
ICE didn’t arrest a five-year-old. ICE protected a five-year-old who was abandoned by his father during an arrest. The father chose to run. The father left his kid behind. And Democrats turned the child into a propaganda poster while ignoring the man who actually put him in danger.
DHS explained that parents in these situations are asked if they want to be removed with their children or designate a safe person. The policy is identical to how it worked under Biden. But Swalwell held up the photo anyway, because the truth doesn’t fit the narrative.
The Pattern
This is what Democrats do with ICE hearings. They don’t ask operational questions. They don’t seek accountability on specific policies. They show up with pre-written stories, emotional props, and demands for resignations based on events that either didn’t happen or happened nothing like they describe.
Swalwell’s bodega story is either real — in which case, the woman was misinformed about how ICE operates and Swalwell did nothing to correct her — or it’s fiction designed to create a viral moment. Either way, it’s not oversight. It’s a campaign ad filmed in a congressional hearing room on the taxpayer’s dime.
Carolla saw through it immediately. Lyons dismantled it calmly. And Swalwell walked away thinking he’d scored a win, because in the bubble where he operates, feelings matter more than facts and a good story beats the truth every time.
The rest of us just watched a congressman lie on camera and get called exactly what he is by a comedian with better instincts than half of Washington.